5 Topics to Discuss Before You Get Married

When it comes to marriage, ignorance is not bliss – what you don’t know about your partner can really hurt your relationship. During premarital counseling, couples are often surprised to learn brand new information about their future spouse. While these conversations rarely change the course of their relationship, it does help them prepare for the inevitable challenges all couples face in long-term relationships. Find some time to sit down with your partner and discuss the following questions:

1. The Daily Grind

• Are men and women inherently better at certain tasks? If so, what are these tasks?
• Do you/I have the “veto power” (the ability to unilaterally say “no” without further discussion) in our relationship?

2. Commitment

• How long do you expect “hard times” or periods of disconnection to last in our relationship?
• Would you be willing to read relationship self-help books, attend a couples retreat, and/or seek couples therapy if our relationship warranted it?
• Do relationship problems mean that we aren’t supposed to be together?

3. Mental Health & Substance Use

• Did your family members ever struggle with their mental health and/or substance use?
• Have you experienced emotions that scared you or worried your friends/family? How did you address this?
• What drugs have you used or experimented with?
• Would you be willing to consider individual therapy or medication to address your mental health?

4. Infidelity

• What do you consider cheating?
• If I have a crush on someone at work, should I tell you?
• Do you believe that our relationship is immune to an affair?
• How do I bring up concerns I may have about your relationships with friends/co-workers?

5. Money, money, money

• How should we spend our money?
• Do you believe that the money you earn individually is your money, or is it our money?
• If I’m worried about how much we’re spending, how should I let you know?
• How comfortable are you with loaning money to friends or family?

Discussing these questions can give you invaluable insight into your partner and your relationship! If you struggle to discuss these questions, or have concerns about your relationship after discussing these topics, contact me to get started!